If you haven’t seen “Ugly aur pagli”, read this review, and avoid it like the plague. I’m a glutton for punishment , I think, or an eternal optimist – depends upon your point of view. Because I rented the American version of “My Sassy Girl”. And really it isn’t any better watching existential angst, or whatever it is they are trying to project, in Americanese.

I haven’t seen the original Korean version yet, although, knowing me, I’ll probably see it before long. “Ugly aur pagli” is based upon that original Korean version, and while people gad about appreciating it, the Indian-ised version, aka U & P must be the most grotesque translation of it ever. The story is essentially a romance – between a sadist/control freak and a guy who believes that there is goodness everywhere. So she uses him as a punching bag, and he lets her. Kind of painful to watch really, because the guy is so good, you want to go in there and intervene on his behalf. Anyway, lots of tremulous tears later, we discern that there is probably some deep sorrow that the female is suffering from, because really people aren’t this nasty in their natural avatars, no ? And then the clincher, she decides to break it off – for an year. Reasons known only to her. He of course, agrees – what to do ? He’s in love, you see.

OK, so the Indian version, U & P has been situated in Bombay and stars Mallika and Ranvir. Both fall flat chemistry wise, and while “My Sassy Girl” stars Jesse Bradford who’s cute, and looks like a chocolate hero with brains (and a heart), Ranvir is not Mc-Dreamy in the least (apologies Ranvir, nothing personal – you are a great actor though). I mean, throw the (Indian) women a bone, people ! And Mallika’s acting skills = 0. So, while Elisha Cuthbert (she plays Keifer Sutherland’s daughter in “24”) gets all teary-eyed and vulnerable, Mallika just looks she’s out to punish all man-kind (and I mean that literally) by making them wear stilettos.

And while I like romances generally (I mean , you know, who doesn’t , except the Shiv Sena, and Shri Ram Sene, that is ?) I don’t get the whole suffering bit. Like why make a movie about torture and call it a love story ? Just say it like it is, you know and leave the innocent public alone. You see what I mean ?

There are adaptations and then there are adaptations. And life pays you back. For every entertaining Pyar ke side-effects, there is one terrible U & P. And you do end up watching it – and the angrezi version.

I am now wary of any romance that needs you to look beyond the obvious – too much work for a Friday night, when you’re all petered out from the week’s grind. Too much work otherwise too. Mindless TV anyone ?