Amodini's Movie Reviews

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Simi Garewal is back on the small screen again with her new show “Simi Selects India’s Most Desirable”. In it she interviews the “hot and single = desirable” people of Bollywood. Apparently she will diversify beyond Bollywood but that hasn’t happened yet. Garewal has tried the talk show thing a few times now, with her most recent attempt before “Simi Selects” being on “Rendezvous with Simi Garewal”, but her shows have never really taken off. If you watch any of them you’ll see why; the lady has neither wit nor chutzpah, or even the very basic gift of the gab. Well, “Simi Selects” is no different. Touted by the lady to be different (she is the writer/producer), the show is the same old annoying stuff in the same old bottle. Plus, Simi’s gotten way more cheesier (if that’s possible).

On the first installment she had on Ranbir Kapoor – and you can’t get more established than that. Ranbir of the famous Kapoor clan is the current happening star; every alternate film stars him. Plus he was linked with the very lissome Ms. Padukone. The love story did not have a happy ending, Deepika hinting in public interviews that it was because of Ranbir’s infidelity.

Anyway, Ranbir came on, was feted and praised by Ms. Garewal for being so handsome, and desirable and such a good boy. Yeah, then she showed snippets of his Mom Neetu and Dad Rishi and they said pretty much the same: such a great son, a sensitive little boy . . . blah, blah, blah. Simi fawned on, and oohed and aahed at the right moments. Ranbir, to his credit took it all in stride, and behaved really nicely with Simi Aunty. I’m lucky that the show ended when it did; had it gone on any longer and heaped any more praises on Ranbir, I might have had to build him his very own temple.

After I watched that, I haven’t really cared to tune into any other editions of her show, but I did see the show yesterday after I saw an ad. which showed her featuring one of my favorite actors – Abhay Deol. Abhay picks interesting films to work in, notably Manorama Six Feet Under, DevD and Socha na tha. He was also in Aisha and the very recent “Zindagi na milegi dobara”. So his choices are very different from what one would expect out of a Deol boy.

Sunny, the eldest brother was quite the star, but mostly acted in commercial projects. Bobby, his younger brother hasn’t veered off that course much. Abhay, the youngest, has picked a very different path, doing mostly hatke films – so figured he’d be very un-Deol-like. Which he was. He was also very rad, and a tad eccentric, which I hadn’t expected at all.

This show was very much like the previous. Simi was in full form, with the fawning and the overarching plaudits, although I daresay that they were better deserved here rather than in Ranbir’s case. Then, in case you missed this, she also did her “Minefield” section, where she judges the contestant’s shit-taking abilities by role-playing with them. She assumes the role of Kiki, the most annoying girlfriend in the entire world (in my view) and then proceeds to have Kiki talk like a mentally challenged child, lisping her words together, and batting her eyelashes like she thinks an annoying girlfriend would do. She did this to Ranbir too, and after watching her Kiki-playing abilities, I’ve got to say that Ranbir and Abhay tolerated her a lot better than I did.

Garewal is 64, and she looks very good for 64. It is another story that she hasn’t gotten any better with her television show-hosting capabilities with age.

Rating : 2/5
Genre : Drama
Year : 2011
Running time : 2 hours 10 minutes
Director : Vishal Bharadwaj
Cast : Priyanka Chopra, Naseeruddin Shah, John Abraham, Annu Kapoor, Irfan Khan, Usha Uthup
Kid rating : PG-15

7 KHOON MAAF : NO FORGIVENESS FOR THIS PECULIAR FILM !

Although Vishal Bharadwaj is a certified genius when it comes to making films, I’ve got to say that Saat Khoon Maaf was a peculiar film. It weirded me out, and not in an interesting way.

As the title says, it’s about 7 murders, all by one person. The person in question is mild-looking and very pretty Susanna, the product of an Anglo-Indian household, in what I gathered was some Goa-like town. Susanna is searching for true love, and she finds it 7 times. Unfortunately, familiarity breeds contempt, and none of the husbands can live upto their initial promise(s). Susanna of course dispatches them to the other world once she is done with each of them.

The film is Susanna’s – it’s her life and her problems. The men just flit in and out. Susanna lives on unperturbed, surrounded by her helpful and fawning, aged servants. For them “Saheb”, as she is fondly called, can do no wrong. And even though she’s a murderess, and mentally unhinged, even if not palpably so, you don’t think of her as an evil, feral force – she’s just Susanna. A bad situation, a bad egg – what to do ? Susanna had no choice – poor thing.

The seven husbands are quite different from each other. From the almost-Anglo army officer Major Rodrigues(Neil Nitin Mukesh) to the rock singer Jamshed Singh Rathod (John Abraham) to the Kashmiri shairi-spouting poet (Irfan Khan) Susanna can certainly pick them. There is also the Russian diplomat, the salivating police-walla Keemat (Annu Kapoor), the naturopathy doctor Modhusudan Tarafdar (Naseeruddin Shah) who fall for Susanna. All have different professions, native tongues and cultures, but Susanna is supple like quick-silver; she changes herself to suit them. Until she can change no more.

Acting wise, all seven were well-portrayed, and Priyanka is nutty Susanna all the way. I was quite surprised to see singer Usha Uthup do a remarkable job as Susanna’s mother-like, portly maid. And author Ruskin Bond, who’s story this film is based upon appears in a cameo as the priest.

The mood of the film is macabre. It is populated by weird looking characters, which gives the film a surreal feel. It’s all rather black and white; there are very few shades of grey. The characters are all, each in their own way, eccentric and abnormal, in not being able to find a balance as regular folk would do. Eccentricity is doable but in small doses. Large helpings like this push the film over the edge.

The film might have a unique angle to it, but it’s not very interesting. Why is Susanna worth watching ? What makes this film worth watching ? I did not care too much about Susanna or her seven husbands. If there was pathos in Susanna’s search for true love (and I thought that was what Bharadwaj was going for), I did not see it. If we were meant to nod our heads in silent sympathy to one poor soul (and so what if she’s nuts ?) looking for happiness, I’m not sure I got the memo. And the number game – whew ! Seven really ? After a while it grew dreary, and you were waiting for the seven husbands to show up (3 down, 4 to go . . .) so you could finish the movie and be done with it – reminded me of “What’s your Rashee ?”. Plus the film has a really wimpy ending.

This is an agonizing film, with a weak plotline and unredeemable characters – you cannot root for them; you can barely watch them. The ending is a cop-out ; I haven’t read the original story, but if it worked in prose, it definitely does not work on film. The music is slow and lilting in keeping with the mood of the film – Bekaraan is the only number I actually liked.  Priyanka for all for her star power, and the other worthy veteran actors, cannot float this sinking boat. Avoid this one.