Rating : Poor (0.5/5)
Genre : Action / Sports / Drama
Year : 2007
Running time : 2 hours 45 minutes
Director : Vivek Agnihotri
Cast : John Abraham, Arshad Warsi, Boman Irani, Raj Zutshi, Bipasha Basu,
DHAN DHANA DHAN GOAL (DDDG) : NO GOALS SCORED !
There aren’t that many Bollywood-ian sports flicks. In fact I can name only two – Lagaan and Chak de India! Now I don’t play or watch cricket or hockey, but guess what ? These films were enjoyable ! Not so the recent addition to the sports stable – DDDG. You think sports and you think action. I mean they’ll do something, right ? They do, they do, but it’s boring nevertheless. And extremely painful to watch.
Arshad Warsi is Shaan, a desi restaurant owner with a passion for soccer. Thus he makes every effort to rev up his soccer team Southall United to victory. The team has no resources, no coach, and a desi commentator Johnny Bakshi and city councilwoman Anne are after the land of their soccer club. Shaan manages to get Tony Singh, a yesteryear player with a tarnished reputation as coach, and Tony in turn manages to lure first-class player Sunny Bhasin (John) to Southall United. Slowly the tide begins to turn . . .
But man, oh man, is it boring watching this tide thingy ! Ever watched grass grow ? Quite similar. The story is the oft-repeated under-dog one. Not that I have problems with that – Lagaan and CD were under-dog stories too. But the treatment was way, way different. I mean there’s the under-dog and he has an uphill battle. That’s a given, yeah ? Now you’d better like the under-dog and root for him, or else the whole exercise is pointless. And that’s the major flaw in DDDG – the under-dogs really are a bunch of losers, and not even remotely likeable, forget about rooting for them.
What comes across in the film is the director’s narrow point of view. The film is full of old, tired clichés about “goras”, and “betraying your community”, and not fitting in. It’s the whole “Us” and “Them” deal, and I didn’t get it. Who’s “Us” ? The desis who CHOOSE to live in Britain ? Who’s “Them” ? All the “white folk” ? And we assume that all of “Them” are racist and bigoted ? I’m not saying racism and bigotry don’t exist, but trying to paint all of “Them” with one broad brush is not just asinine, it’s immature. It smacks of the mindset of a director who can’t get over his Lagaan hang-up. As an immigrant I’m not sure who the target audience of the film really is. The desis in India won’t identify with this bunch, and I’m not sure if I will. If you live outside India, if the UK is your adopted country, I’d assume some loyalty to the land where you live and whose citizens your kids are. If you can’t fit into where you choose to live, you have bigger problems than just soccer woes.
The other major flaw (Ah ! You thought there was just one, hmm ?) is the listless depiction of soccer. Let’s see, was it – thrilling ? No. Interesting ? No. Well-paced ? No. Did I care ? No. All I wanted was for this film to end. A sports film hinges upon . . er, sports. If you can’t get the sporting action right, half the battle is lost right there. Seriously, I have as much of a clue about soccer as I have about hockey. But I really enjoyed all the matches in “Chak de”, because they had everything DDDG soccer games didn’t. Because you rooted for the “Chak de” girls – they had sass, guts, integrity and loyalty. They knew who they were and they knew where they stood. Unfortunately, the soccer guys don’t. And they can’t kick ball. Or ass.
Much of the blame for the film’s failure can be attributed to poor scripting. Half-baked characters do no one any good. Least of all fine actors like Arshad Warsi, who makes the best of what he’s given. Boman Irani is a pretty good actor too, but his performance can only be described as over-wrought in this film. Bipasha’s role of a doctor who’s balancing out her brother’s patriarchal views regarding women, with her desire to jump John is plain unbelievable. John has cut his hair, and does fairly OK, except for his discordant accent. I mean, wouldn’t you expect a British born and bred guy to have a British accent ? The only character who seemed just right was that of Arshad Warsi’s British-born wife. The rest of the supporting cast was either asked to ham it up, or they thought it up on their own.
The story was pretty ad-hoc and relied heavily upon unrealistic emotions. The direction was terrible. Editing was shoddy, and scenes looked like they’d been cut and pasted to fit, instead of to flow. The dialogues were cheesy and theatrical. But all that is small change when the basic premise of the story is faulty. That’s the foundation, and with a shaky foundation, you ain’t going nowhere. The songs were OK, I think. The “Don’t mess with me” number was pretty catchy.
With this film, Mr. Agnihotri gets himself in the top 3 of my “Directors to not watch out for” list. What that means for you’ll, is to not watch his films. What that means for me is to watch and rip to shreds. I hope I’ve done that adequately here.
